Facebook Status: By the time someone realises that their parent was right, they have a child who thinks they’re wrong.

Facebook Status: Bought some batteries for my children as gift and stuck a note on it saying: ‘Toys not included.’

Facebook Status: I’d like to help you out – which way did you come in?

Facebook Status: Line-dancing was originally invented by people waiting in line for the bathroom.

Facebook Status: Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.

Facebook Status: Let’s observe a moment of silence for those who saw my post but didn’t like it.