Facebook Status: Let’s observe a moment of silence for those who saw my post but didn’t like it.

Facebook Status: My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray, like a toaster.

Facebook Status: Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.

Facebook Status: I always wonder if someone somewhere is doing the same exact thing as I am.

Facebook Status: I’m the kind of person who bumps into inanimate objects and says: ‘Oops, I’m sorry.’

Facebook Status: People who have OnlyFans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?