Facebook Status: Due to circumstances within my control, tomorrow will be cancelled.

Facebook Status: What if God came down one day and said, “It’s pronounced ‘Jod'” and left?

Facebook Status: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

Facebook Status: Why is ‘Monday’ so far from ‘Friday’, and ‘Friday’ so near to ‘Monday’?

Facebook Status: A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!

Facebook Status: It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.