Facebook Status: The longer the title the less important the job.

Facebook Status: Thanks to the new alcoholic energy drinks, instead of the walk of shame, you can do the sprint of shame.

Facebook Status: Live is too short to be normal.

Facebook Status: The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so they can tell when they’re really in trouble.

Facebook Status: I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

Facebook Status: Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.