Facebook Status: The best can’t find you until you put the worst behind you.

Facebook Status: There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I’ll kill you all.

Facebook Status: I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.

Facebook Status: Parallel lines have so much in common – it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Facebook Status: I’m not addicted to Facebook. I only use it when I have time: lunch-time, break-time, bed-time, off-time, any time, all the time.

Facebook Status: When I was a kid, I slept with a nightlight to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light-bulbs.