Facebook Status: My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

Facebook Status: Why is ‘Monday’ so far from ‘Friday’, and ‘Friday’ so near to ‘Monday’?

Facebook Status: A big shout-out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!

Facebook Status: It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

Facebook Status: Love is like fire – it can warm your heart, but it can also burn your house down.

Facebook Status: Forgive your enemies. It annoys them to no end.